An Up and Down Kind of Day
I am so proud of him. I know that he is very behind in development compared to typically developing kids, but he is still making progress! Progress is progress, even if it is slow. We will continue to celebrate each and every little milestone, no matter when they occur.
Later in the day we had a play date with a good friend and her two little ones. She is a dear friend that I've known for years and a fellow sister in Christ. She has two healthy, typically developing little boys. They are both very cute and are a true blessing to their parents. Unfortunately, it is becoming more difficult for me to be around parents of typically developing kiddos. Ethan has been behind since the beginning, but when babies are really little they don't do alot - but it seems like once they hit about six months typically developing kids zoomed ahead of Ethan and haven't looked back since. I don't like that I don't enjoy spending time with my friends and their healthy kids -- it actually makes me really sad that I feel the way that I do, but it seems like right now that is just how it is.
So, to all my friends with healthy kids, please accept this as my formal apology for ignoring you. It is just too hard sometimes! It is too hard to look at healthy, typically developing kids and then see how far behind Ethan is, how hard everything is for Ethan, and that it just isn't fair! It isn't fair that my head is filled with thoughts of what my son will never achieve and wondering how long he'll be here with us before the Lord calls him home. My days are filled with the stresses of getting medicines in, making sure Ethan eats, encouraging him during therapy sessions, making sure we get to all of our doctors appointments, advocating for him and other kids with special needs, sharing the ups and downs with other families with children with PBD, and wondering when the next little one will leave the arms of their parents for the arms of Jesus. This past weekend two little ones passed away and as I type there are three other little ones who aren't doing well and who will likely be with the Lord very soon.
I understand that most people with healthy kids don't want to hear about my days or what goes through my head, so it is easier just to keep a distance. Easier for them and easier on me. Please don't take this the wrong way -- I am glad that so many people have healthy kids. I'm just also very sad that so many kids have it so tough!
I want to thank everyone who is continuing to pray for Ethan and our family. I am thankful that I have friends and family that admit that they can never fully understand what our journey with Ethan is like, but they are along for the ride anyway.
So, today is just one of those days..... sometimes I've got it together and other days are a struggle.... right now it seems like there is a lot of struggling going on....