Jason Johnson is a writer of a blog and several books about fostering and adoption. One of his recent posts "Foster Care, Adoption, and Saying Yes to the Unknown" is a powerful and insightful look into the life of a foster parent. I'll be the first one to admit that when we said "YES" to two little girls who needed a family that we never thought that I'd be writing about the girls return to their biological parents. However, a little over a week ago our two foster daughters moved back in with their mom and dad.
"Saying Goodbye To The Foster Care Child I Fell In Love With," isn't exactly like our story, but there are a lot of similarities, and gives you a bit of a look into what we have experienced and are now experiencing. We are heartbroken and grieving. We miss them so very much, be we also know that they are loved and that they are happy. This summer as we prepared for this we spoke openly and often about the fact that you can be both happy and sad at the same time. They could be happy to be moving back with their mom and dad and also be sad about no longer living with us. We can be sad that they are gone and that things didn't end up turning out like we had once hoped and prayed, but also be happy that a family has been reunified. Family reunification is a success story, even if it isn't the one that we had expected.
Although Ethan can't tell us, I think he misses them too. He's not been feeling all that well the last couple of days, he may have a little virus he's attempting to fight off, but he also just seems a bit down. He may be noticing that we are sad, but also I think he is very aware, in his own way, that the sisters are gone.
It is our desire to continue to be involved in their lives in some capacity, perhaps transitioning into a role similar to that of extended family (example: "Aunt" Pam, "Uncle" Jeff, and "cousin" Ethan) over time, and at this point the girls' parents seem very open to that. They seem to recognize how deeply we love their daughters and how much their daughters love us in return, and that children really can't have too many "relatives" that love them.
How can you pray for us?
*Pray that our family will continue to adjust to our new normal. The house is so quiet and we miss the girls so much.
*Pray for the girls and for their parents and extended family. Pray for salvation, restoration, and safety. Pray for them as they continue to adjust to their new normal in a new city. Pray for the teachers that will be working with the girls at their new schools and that their hearts will be soft and understanding.
*Pray that we will continue to be able to be involved in the girl's lives in a way that is positive for all of us.
*Pray for us as we still feel a deep desire to add to our family through adoption, but don't think that we can go through saying goodbye to children who we have loved as our own again. While it is true that there are over 100,000 children waiting to be adopted out of foster care (see Adopt US Kids for more information), because of Ethan we have to be very careful about the child or children who we would welcome into our home. Ethan's safety and well being remains a top priority, and we cannot knowingly invite a child or children into our home who are likely to harm him. We also cannot say "yes" to a child or children who we will not be able to care for properly due to Ethan's needs.
*Pray for the more than 100,000 children in foster care (see above) who desperately need forever families. Pray that families that are able to properly care for them will open their hearts and homes to these children and that they would not age out of foster care. Pray that the family and friends of these foster and adoptive families will rise up and support them as they seek to be the forever family for children who have experienced more than any child ever should. Every child deserves a family, but every family also needs a village!
"Saying Goodbye To The Foster Care Child I Fell In Love With," isn't exactly like our story, but there are a lot of similarities, and gives you a bit of a look into what we have experienced and are now experiencing. We are heartbroken and grieving. We miss them so very much, be we also know that they are loved and that they are happy. This summer as we prepared for this we spoke openly and often about the fact that you can be both happy and sad at the same time. They could be happy to be moving back with their mom and dad and also be sad about no longer living with us. We can be sad that they are gone and that things didn't end up turning out like we had once hoped and prayed, but also be happy that a family has been reunified. Family reunification is a success story, even if it isn't the one that we had expected.
Although Ethan can't tell us, I think he misses them too. He's not been feeling all that well the last couple of days, he may have a little virus he's attempting to fight off, but he also just seems a bit down. He may be noticing that we are sad, but also I think he is very aware, in his own way, that the sisters are gone.
It is our desire to continue to be involved in their lives in some capacity, perhaps transitioning into a role similar to that of extended family (example: "Aunt" Pam, "Uncle" Jeff, and "cousin" Ethan) over time, and at this point the girls' parents seem very open to that. They seem to recognize how deeply we love their daughters and how much their daughters love us in return, and that children really can't have too many "relatives" that love them.
How can you pray for us?
*Pray that our family will continue to adjust to our new normal. The house is so quiet and we miss the girls so much.
*Pray for the girls and for their parents and extended family. Pray for salvation, restoration, and safety. Pray for them as they continue to adjust to their new normal in a new city. Pray for the teachers that will be working with the girls at their new schools and that their hearts will be soft and understanding.
*Pray that we will continue to be able to be involved in the girl's lives in a way that is positive for all of us.
*Pray for us as we still feel a deep desire to add to our family through adoption, but don't think that we can go through saying goodbye to children who we have loved as our own again. While it is true that there are over 100,000 children waiting to be adopted out of foster care (see Adopt US Kids for more information), because of Ethan we have to be very careful about the child or children who we would welcome into our home. Ethan's safety and well being remains a top priority, and we cannot knowingly invite a child or children into our home who are likely to harm him. We also cannot say "yes" to a child or children who we will not be able to care for properly due to Ethan's needs.
*Pray for the more than 100,000 children in foster care (see above) who desperately need forever families. Pray that families that are able to properly care for them will open their hearts and homes to these children and that they would not age out of foster care. Pray that the family and friends of these foster and adoptive families will rise up and support them as they seek to be the forever family for children who have experienced more than any child ever should. Every child deserves a family, but every family also needs a village!
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