I don't think this is exactly how it works, but I had to share anyway. I believe with all my heart that God does not make mistakes, and although I will fully admit that it hurts my heart that any child is born (or develops) disabilities and/or life threatening illness, I know that God is sovereign and that He has a divine plan (even when we don't understand it!). I believe that God brought Jeff and I together and that He knew Ethan even as he was growing inside of me. While this is not the journey we would have dreamed of or chosen, and there are going to be times (and have been already) when we struggle, stumble and fall it is our hope that in the end that we will bring glory and honor to the Lord.
God Chooses Mom for Disabled Child
Written by Erma Bombeck Published in the Today Newspaper Sept. 4th,
1993
Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social
pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become
mothers of handicapped children.
Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow
I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation
with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to
make notes in a giant ledger.
"Armstrong, Beth; son; patron saint, Matthew.
"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter; patron saint, Cecelia.
"Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint.... give her Gerard. He's used to
profanity.
" Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped
child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does
not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of
self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle
it."
"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence. She'll
have to teach the child to live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just
enough selfishness." The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll
never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less then
perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never
take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When
her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and
know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see
it as few people ever see my creations." "I will permit her to see clearly the
things I see---ignorance, cruelty, prejudice--- and allow her to rise above
them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day
of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in midair.
God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."
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